Happy Valentines Day!! Or if you’re reading this on a regular day, hello!
Today is all about REAL Relationship Advice from REAL Married Couples. As much as I’m a hopeless romantic, relationships aren’t all they look on social media. I feel that so many accounts on both Instagram & Pinterest only show the ‘best’ bits of a relationship. For example, you’ll see a couple on holiday getting amazing snaps and sharing endless cocktail drinking selfies on stories but what you won’t see is the HUGE argument they had right before leaving the house to the airport or him losing his shit because you’re still getting ready when your dinner reservation was for 20 minutes ago…
What I’m trying to say is, relationships aren’t all chocolates and champagne (although I tell Adam that those two things make me a better person), they are a commitment.
So on that note, I asked four of my amazing married friends to give Bride Like Me followers some REAL relationship advice.
Olivia & Dwayne – 7 years together
Don’t keep a record of each other’s mistakes and never say the words “you always” and “you never” when raising a problem. Remember that you both are not infallible and will unintentionally get things wrong. Respect each other always, no matter your mood or the height of your anger; learn to exchange points of views without insults.
Share the load; Dwayne and I appreciate that we both work “full on” jobs and thus housework/food shopping should be a joint responsibility: if I come in from work after a hectic day, Dwayne will ensure the house is clean and dinner is on the table and vice versa. It’s all about Teamwork!
You won’t get on 100% of the time and quite frankly, you’ll get on each other’s nerves. You need to accept this is completely normal and understand that you are not carbon copies of each other. Just ensure you remain respectful at all times.
One thing that we find keeps us so in love is when we have some time in bed before we sleep and we talk, laugh until we cry and our bellies hurt, and engage in deep conversation – Dwayne constantly checks in to make sure he is loving me the way that I want to be loved and I will ask what I can do better too…you need to be checking in with each other to ensure both parties are getting what they need out of the relationship.
Remember that you both are not infallible and will unintentionally get things wrong
Rebecca & Jonathan – 10 years together
The best advice is always make each other laugh and find humour wherever you can! Over the years you build your quirky “if you know you know” jokes and it’s certainly kept us going through lockdown! Oh and have a safe word… not in the fifty shades sense but when you’re in a social situation and you’re uncomfortable with the way a conversation is going or if you wanna get the hell out of there have a safe word to exit the chat or situation in case the other party doesn’t pick up on subtle hints. Something more subtle than spaghettios maybe. I’d also advise to never put a “timescale” on things, life never goes according to plan, just enjoy every moment. And finally Always marry your best friend (sorry lozza you came in close second)
Oh and have a safe word… not in the fifty shades sense but…
Nikki & Dave – 12 years together
The advice that always helps us is to assume best intentions. Everyone is just trying their best, and remember that you love each other, so even the things that feel most annoying won’t (or shouldn’t,anyway) be done with the intention of being hurtful. We try to approach conflict with the mentality that we’re looking for a resolution that works for us both, rather than thinking that one of us needs to ‘win’ at the other’s expense. It also helps us pick our battles! Most importantly, appreciate each other. Remember what you both do for each other, especially the little things. And you know those moments when you just look at them or think about them, and you feel so full of love? Tune into that as often as possible! And tell them! Even if you think they should know it already, it never hurts to say it again. I mean, who doesn’t like to be told they’re loved?!
Remember what you both do for each other, especially the little things
Naomi & Kyle – 12.5 years together
My biggest piece of advice would be no matter how much you love each other or how good friends you were before anything else, a relationship is still hard work. I think we get into this notion that a marriage is meant to be happy all the time and never any issues or disagreements but obviously that’s bullshit. A marriage is so much work, but the BEST kind of work. You are both trying to grow individually whether that be in your business or career but the key thing is that you grow together as individuals but not away from your partner, and that takes a lot of work.
Finally, treasure the good moments. You need the good memories to stop you putting a pillow over his face when the baby wakes for the fourth time in the night and he’s slept through it… AGAIN!
A marriage is so much work, but the BEST kind of work